Not Yet Me

Over the last year plus I've been on a journey to better health, working to exercise, eat right, lose weight. This week when observing my physical progress the phrase came to mind, "I'm not yet the me I want to be."

Originally I had in mind my body and how I hope to improve it even more, but then I realized it also applies to my whole personhood. I believe God isn't finished with me yet, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

I'm not yet the me I want to be.

I believe God has a marvelous me in mind, one totally conformed to the image of Christ. That won't be fully realized until I see Christ face to face in heaven, but I am holding on to hope that each day I get closer.

It's not that I have "backslidden" in the ways we usually think of that term, falling into some kind of sinful abyss. But I continue to struggle to be the fully selfless creation God expects of me.

I'm going to like me a lot more when I'm fully reformed. You are too. Meanwhile, I keep trying to make progress, hoping to be closer this day than last, this year than last. Thank the Lord for the patience, grace and mercy extended. God could give up on us all like he did those of Noah's generation, for every inclination of the human heart is toward evil. O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be.

I look forward to that new me. Bring it on Lord.

Closest to God

Many gardens display this plaque, "One is closer to God in a garden, than anywhere else on earth." Certainly the peacefulness of a quiet place helps us focus on God and listen for God's voice. In that way, the saying holds true.

But biblically speaking, I'm not so sure. Creation starts in a garden, but ends in a city. Eden provided the first home for humanity, but God drove us from there in our sin, so we would not partake of the tree of life and live forever in our brokenness. When heaven is drawn for us in Revelation, we find the New Jerusalem, coming down from heaven as the Bride of Christ. A city.

People built cities to live together. Humanity is the crown of creation, as God created us in God's image, male and female. As creations in the image of God, inhabited by God's spirit, the more people around, the more we are present with God.

The noise of the city disturbs our quiet reflections, and yet God also loves the poor, so God is surely present in the squalor of urban despair.

We just need eyes to see. We easily see God in the beauty of plants and trees and flowers and swans swimming peacefully on a quiet pond. But if we really look with God's eyes, we will see God in the faces of every passerby on a city street, every child jumping rope in the alley, every elderly man sitting on a park bench, every woman dragging her children to the grocery.

We can find God anywhere we look. Try looking at your neighbors more closely.

We Need a Savior

John Stott writes that although Jesus is our example, that is not enough, we need him as our Savior. We need the Holy Spirit to empower us to follow the example of Christ.

When we read the Gospels, we see how Jesus responded to people. We see how he treated those who treated him poorly. We see how he returned kindness for disdain and rejection. We see how he handled their disbelief. These actions set a standard for us. Yet we find ourselves challenged by the effort of trying to turn the other cheek as Jesus taught and modeled.

That's why we need a Savior. We are not capable of following Jesus' example, or even Paul's, without the help of God. We stand powerless to obey. But thank the Lord, through the blood of Christ we are forgiven, and the indwelling Holy Spirit empowers us to make right choices. By that power we can follow the example of Jesus.

The bar seems high, and so it is, but by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can clear it!

Long Obedience in the Same Direction

I named my blog A Long Obedience in the Same Direction because I pastor the church I planted 26 years ago.

Praise God for the Free Methodist Church, which considers its pastors tenured, and doesn't arbitrarily move them around. If the church and pastor are happy, they are allowed to continue serving God together.

Research has shown that longer pastorates produce better results. And certainly you gain some history with people, which can turn into opportunities.

One of those happened for me today. It's not too often you can remember how long you've known someone or ministered to them, unless a significant event triggers that beginning.

We have a wonderful prayer warrior who has been part of our church from the beginning. Twenty-four years ago I visited her son in jail, I know this because I was pregnant with my second daughter, and she just turned 24.

I reminded him of that today when I visited the mom to take her communion (she doesn't get out much now) and he joined our conversation.

When it came time to serve communion, I explained to the son that my mentor (Rev. Walter Orr) who had given me the communion set I was using had taught me that anyone could come to the Lord's Table if they came with a repentant heart. He said he wanted to. I told him I would help him pray. I offered a simple line like "Lord forgive my sins."

He hesitated, and I wondered if he'd feel comfortable praying aloud, and then the next thing I knew, he asked for forgiveness, and kept going. He apologized for his choices, times he had let God down, told God how he always knew God was with him, and also asked Jesus to be in his heart. All without any further prompting from me.

Twenty-four years is a long time to pray for someone to come to Christ. But it's nothing in light of eternity. I would say I had the privilege of leading someone to Christ today. But I didn't even lead, the Holy Spirit did that.

Not a blessing I would have had, if not for the privilege of pastoring in the same place for over two and a half decades. Thank you Jesus, and thank you to a denomination that allows such. And thank you to Rev. Orr, for teaching me that the Lord's Table can be a place for conversion. I'm sure Rev. Orr is partying with the angels right now.

A Drawer for Insurance

In Sharon Creech's children's book The Unfinished Angel Mr. Pomodoro was once a poor child whose mother brought home a box of chocolate covered cookies for her children. He knew that when shared he would only get one cookie, so he snuck the box to the basement and ate them all, enjoying their chocolately goodness.

As an adult, Mr. Pomodoro has a drawer full of chocolates of every kind, so that whenever he wants, he can open the drawer and select a chocolate. And now he doesn't really need to, but it's like insurance to him.

The angel of the story draws a parallel to a drawer in our head, where all of us stuff something we need to hold onto for insurance, something we felt deprived of, friendly words or looks or praise.

Saving up kindness and appreciation can surely bring comfort on those days when we feel neglected or misused. Jesus said a cup of cold water given in His name will not lose it's reward. I have mostly thought of that verse as meaning we are stockpiling rewards in heaven. But perhaps just as importantly, we are depositing into other people's drawers, helping them get through the difficult moments of their lives.

My aunt had a safety deposit box at her bank, something most people don't use anymore. A place to keep the most valuable objects one wouldn't want to leave around the house. These drawers within others can hold even more important treasure, lasting into eternity, formed of kindness and helpful actions, loving words, encouraging looks, applause for accomplishments.

Make a deposit in someone you love today. Or even better, in someone you don't particularly enjoy.

Waiting for Heaven

I can't wait to see Jesus. But I will wait.

I can't wait until the times are complete and I can be with my parents again. I can't wait until I get to see my children all the time instead of sending them off to various parts of the earth.

But I will wait.

I'll wait until Jesus says so, and I look forward to my family growing even larger with maybe even grandchildren in the future. And I look forward to the amazing contributions of my children to their professional realms, as they spread their influence and find their voices.

But at moments it's hard to wait, when I listen to Endless Hallelujah by Matt Redman is one of those moments. "No more tears, No more shame, No more sin and sorrow ever known again; No more fears, No more pain, We will see You face to face, See You face to face..."

I can't wait. But I will wait, I'll wait and serve and try to do God's will daily.

I look forward to having my family all together, parents and children and future offspring. But really the blessing of heaven is Jesus, face to face. Unimaginable.

Bill Trimble reminded me of that yesterday. Bill preached part of the funeral of Carol Erickson, mother of Bill's late wife Jan. Bill said after he lost Jan he had a dream, and in that dream he was in heaven with Jan. He was so happy to see her. After greeting him, Jan got down to the important stuff as she was wont to do, and said, "Enough small talk, let's go see Jesus." Bill reminded all of us that although Carol would be glad to see Jan and her mother and other family, the real attraction of heaven is Jesus.

So I'll wait, and I hope to wait a long time, to see my children's children, to see the fruit of my labors at church, to see my children's contributions to the world, but at times I yearn for that moment, face to face.

And in the end, the waiting is a flash, washed into the eternity of the now in Jesus' presence. Yes, Matt Redman, an Endless Hallelujah.

Risk for the Earth

Some years ago I first joined a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) with Martin Hill Farms, buying produce from Farmer Mike. That means that at the beginning of the year I pay up front to get weekly produce during the season. Farmer Mike gets the capital needed to buy seeds and supplies and I get beautiful natural heirloom fruits and vegetables.

Recently I read the book In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan where the author distills his book into seven words: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. He further explains that when he says food, that is not a given in our currently processed world. Reading Pollan's book made me all the more convinced that my CSA is an important part of how our family eats.

Not long after reading Pollan's book Farmer Mike shared some of the dilemmas he has faced recently. Farming is not a profitable business. Even with our capital up front, Mike hardly can make it work. A dry summer, a wet summer, a hot summer, rain on market day, heat on market day, market day falling on Fourth of July, so many things work against the best results. Mike told us in this email that we were taking a risk. I never thought of it like that before, I never realized that I was risking my money when I paid my share up front.

Everyday people line up to buy lottery tickets, believing they're going to get a payoff. They take that risk. And rarely gain a return. Risking money on good food is not only good for the health of my family, it's good for the earth, which desperately needs the kind of healthy wholesome agriculture Farmer Mike and his colleagues practice.

Opt into a CSA. Shop at farmer's markets. Buy real food. Do your part, despite the risk. We're all in this together.