Pain Management

Our family isn't big on medication, so whenever someone has surgery, we struggle with how to use the prescription pain killers. The nurse always says to stay ahead of the pain, so typically the recovering patient avoids the pills, then takes one, then feels way too weird, and stops altogether or switches to an over the counter option.

Mind numbing pain can retard healing. But in general, pain tells us what is wrong, which helps us fix it. When I get dehydrated I get headaches, and I avoid taking medication so I can tell when I fix the problem. The pain is a symptom, the real problem is my body needs water. Fever means your body is fighting infection, so if you can stand it, allowing that fever to work helps you heal faster.

Figuring this out differs with the patient and the malady. A headache and a surgical incision require different treatment. No one else can really feel your pain or decide what is best for your healing.

This same truth applies to emotional pain. We can be bleeding from the heart and need immediate aid. That might even mean medication. Or professional counseling. Or simply a listening ear.

What it usually does not mean is numbing the pain with too much medication for too long or denying it's there in the first place. When a crisis first happens we often do shut down and that can provide us time to adjust. But in the long run, pain must be faced to be healed.

I have often compared grief to a river that we must cross to get to the other side. We can delay the crossing, but sooner or later we're better off if we get in. We may feel like we're going to drown someplace in the middle, but I believe God will not allow us to go under. There's no way around a river but through.

Grief applies to more than just the loss of a loved one to death, we grieve a lost marriage, a lost job, a child who rejects us, a move away from a familiar home, an injury that changes our ability to function, even the loss of functions as we age.

Whatever causes us emotional pain looms as real as having our arm amputated. The sooner we deal with it, the sooner we will find peace. Like an operation, a loss can leave a scar, but when skin forms a scar that new skin proves more resilient, and in the same way when we truly deal with loss the scar that forms makes us stronger.

People who have endured pain in their lives become more sensitive, more compassionate, more real. The opposite of pain is not numbness, it's healing. Trade numbing the pain for healing the pain. That requires active participation in the process, rather than avoidance and long term medication. I pray you have companions to walk with you toward healing.

Winning Strategy

Today my husband's cousin Dallas Seavey won the Iditarod, again. Two years ago he was the youngest champion ever. Last year his dad won becoming the oldest.

Dallas had a different strategy than most. He set out with a plan that built and got stronger as they went, instead of front speed in what promised to be a fast race. He broke his previous record with endurance, not sheer speed.

This reminds me of the race that Paul called the Christian life. Planning for endurance beats a quick burnout. If you've been at it awhile, ramp it up, not down. Find a new way to engage. Grow some deeper roots.

A dear pastor friend is nearing the end of his race. Even in his limited state of consciousness the doctor noted to his daughter, "We can often sense the spirit of a person when we care for them.Your father has clearly been a very intelligent, dignified, and gracious man. What was his profession?" She told him he was a pastor. He said, "I can see he has been a very unusual, caring, and courageous man. It shows in all aspects of him." 

That's how to finish a race. Check your strategy for what you are doing daily that will result in a strong finish.

A Mother's Love

Today I heard a disturbing account of a mother who filed charges against her sons when they defended themselves against their step-father who attacked the older son. This was not a news report, but a story I heard recounted by the father of the boys.

All day this story played over again in my mind. Every since my first born found herself in her father's arms, I discovered a fierce protectiveness. My family calls me Momma Bear. I can't imagine turning against my children in such dramatic fashion.

At times tough love means parents must report their children who are breaking the law, often for their own good. But to falsely accuse your own children, then lie in court to win the case...beyond my imagination. Of course this permanently obliterated the mother-son relationship. Presumably the mother has no desire to see her sons after treating them thus. And naturally the sons hate their mother and have no space for her in their lives.

As I drove away from lunch I had to call one of my sons. I am so grateful for the relationship I have with all four of my children. I would amputate a limb before severing those relationships. Which is why I cannot understand such a mother as this. Why would anyone alienate her own children so dramatically?

I don't think I will ever understand. I can't imagine either what God thinks of all of this, but it must be heartbreaking to God as well. Yet daily over and over not only do humans injure each other but they also reject God, severing that relationship. And God is always waiting, hoping for that time of reconciliation.

God stands as far juxtaposed from this mother as imaginable. God not only does not falsely accuse and prosecute us, God knows we're guilty and pays the penalty on our behalf. Those boys did not deserve to be falsely accused. Yet daily we all do break the laws of God, and God forgives. We can rest easy in that security, the assurance of God's forgiving grace. What a relief.

As I lie down to sleep tonight, I will pray for those sons and their mother. I will thank God for my relationship with my own children. And I will also thank God for being the type of parent who loves and forgives, accepts and encourages, and seeks the lost and hurting.

What Works

In a previous post I mentioned Dr. Kalas' mention of flunking Lent. I think commonly when people chose something to follow for Lent, the moment they mess up they feel like a failure, and often stop whatever they were doing. One chocolate strawberry and it's back to eating anything chocolate.

I always encourage my congregation to get back to whatever discipline they started even if they fail. This year with the idea of flunking Lent in mind I added a tactic that is helping me "pass."

I'm motivated by accountability and trying to succeed. So I created a chart with each day of Lent. I have columns for the habits I'm trying to follow, from omitting sugar to writing to exercise. Each success for the day gets a checkmark. I'm trying for an "A" as determined by a 90% satisfied requirements.

This wouldn't work for everybody. But it's helping me. Tonight when I made my husband's birthday pie I resisted nibbling the crust scraps because I'm not eating wheat.

On Sundays I'll probably lighten up on some of the habits since it's traditionally a "feast" day and with church twice I really don't have time for all the extra routine I've added. Having a day off can help the other days seem more bearable.

This would make some people's Lent miserable, so do what works for you. Find a way to honor Christ in your practice, whatever it looks like.

Ash Wednesday

An exceptionally long winter both in terms of difficult weather and Lent coming later than usual finally brings us to this day. We notice people walking around with black marks on their foreheads.

Your tradition may or may not practice Ash Wednesday. Whether you observe this day or not, we are approaching Resurrection Sunday, and these coming weeks serve to prepare our hearts for that celebration.

Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the wilderness before beginning his public ministry. At the end of that time, the devil approached him with temptations. It may seem the worst possible moment, while Jesus felt weakened by hunger. But in reality the spiritual discipline of fasting actually meant Jesus felt stronger than usual, ready to take on the challenge, and he did emerge victorious.

Our weeks of Lent can strengthen us in much the same way. Sometimes we sacrifice something we will return to come Easter, such as eating meat. Other times we may give up something we'd be better off without permanently, like smoking. Whatever we chose to do to observe these days, allow the discipline to reorient your life and priorities.

I like to use this season to clean up my personal discipline from the sloth of winter. I am glad the time has come, and hope not only to re-energize my resolve, but to add some new habits.

Dirty forehead or not, I hope your Ash Wednesday begins a season of growth.

Loving Lent?

I love Lent. Mostly. I often say I have a love/hate relationship with fasting, because I love the spiritual benefits but hate not eating. Part of Lent for me is some version of fasting or sacrifice so I can't say I enjoy that, but I do enjoy the discipline.

When Ash Wednesday rolls around each year I am ready to reorient my priorities after the laxness of the winter slump, that time after Christmas when the dark days encourage too much hot chocolate and too little exercise.

I didn't grow up "doing" Lent, and my early years practicing the season focused mostly on giving up food, like chocolate or sugar. Often my own deprivations I imposed unilaterally on my family, at times against their will. One particular season when I said we weren't have that food because it was Lent my son replied, "I didn't put those ashes on my forehead."

Through the years I have learned and added other ways to observe the season, lengthened prayer times, surrendering social media, last year I blogged daily. Any type of discipline fits this time of the Christian year when we remember Christ's sacrifice on our behalf. And when we remember that, giving up chocolate pales in comparison.

One of my favorite preachers J. Ellsworth Kalas wrote a delightful piece on flunking Lent.  http://elink.asburyseminary.edu/flunking-lent/ He describes how his best intentions don't quite work out, but he still enters each Lent with high expectation. I learned years ago that if I do mess up my plan, to stay the course and start again, instead of abandoning ship mid-journey.

Having learned so many ways to observe Lent, I try to encourage people to find what works for them, giving something up, taking something on. The year my mother died unexpectedly in February, I felt too sad for more deprivation during Lent. What I like about the solemn observation of Lent comes in the increased joy and expectation for Resurrection at the end.

Whatever you do for Lent this year, little, lot or nothing, I hope your practice brings you to a new place of solidarity with Christ. Happy Lent seems an oxymoron, but I hope yours is meaningful.