Saying Good-bye

Someone said that aging is awful but it beats the alternative.

I feel that way about saying good-bye.

My mother died unexpectedly. I had seen her ten days prior, and spoken to her two days before, so I didn't have guilt about neglect, my heart was clear in our relationship. But when my dad died of cancer, the blessing of that dread disease came in the opportunity to say good-bye, knowing death was near and being able to find closure.

The difference in the grieving process between losing each parent doesn't even compare. I spent a year angry at the circumstances of my mother's death (physician neglect). Although I miss my dad as much or more, the sense of resolution prevented being stuck in a nightmare of confusion.

I hate saying good-bye, whether it's because someone is leaving this earth or just my city or church. But as sad and difficult as that can be, it beats those folks who just slip away, without explanation, simply fading from view leaving you wondering if they're gone for good, and even more, why.

So I've reached some good-byes lately. for which I grieve. Yet I am grateful for the opportunity to express love and gratitude, instead of just wondering what happened.

Makes me wonder how God feels, because I think most of the time when people walk away, they don't up and tell God one day, I'm through, although I'm sure that happens. Mostly folks just slowly neglect that relationship, not even noticing themselves the slippage from faith to apathy.

At least God gets it, when I'm sad from saying good-bye, or because I didn't get to.