Today I heard a disturbing account of a mother who filed charges against her sons when they defended themselves against their step-father who attacked the older son. This was not a news report, but a story I heard recounted by the father of the boys.
All day this story played over again in my mind. Every since my first born found herself in her father's arms, I discovered a fierce protectiveness. My family calls me Momma Bear. I can't imagine turning against my children in such dramatic fashion.
At times tough love means parents must report their children who are breaking the law, often for their own good. But to falsely accuse your own children, then lie in court to win the case...beyond my imagination. Of course this permanently obliterated the mother-son relationship. Presumably the mother has no desire to see her sons after treating them thus. And naturally the sons hate their mother and have no space for her in their lives.
As I drove away from lunch I had to call one of my sons. I am so grateful for the relationship I have with all four of my children. I would amputate a limb before severing those relationships. Which is why I cannot understand such a mother as this. Why would anyone alienate her own children so dramatically?
I don't think I will ever understand. I can't imagine either what God thinks of all of this, but it must be heartbreaking to God as well. Yet daily over and over not only do humans injure each other but they also reject God, severing that relationship. And God is always waiting, hoping for that time of reconciliation.
God stands as far juxtaposed from this mother as imaginable. God not only does not falsely accuse and prosecute us, God knows we're guilty and pays the penalty on our behalf. Those boys did not deserve to be falsely accused. Yet daily we all do break the laws of God, and God forgives. We can rest easy in that security, the assurance of God's forgiving grace. What a relief.
As I lie down to sleep tonight, I will pray for those sons and their mother. I will thank God for my relationship with my own children. And I will also thank God for being the type of parent who loves and forgives, accepts and encourages, and seeks the lost and hurting.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Friday, March 7, 2014
What Works
In a previous post I mentioned Dr. Kalas' mention of flunking Lent. I think commonly when people chose something to follow for Lent, the moment they mess up they feel like a failure, and often stop whatever they were doing. One chocolate strawberry and it's back to eating anything chocolate.
I always encourage my congregation to get back to whatever discipline they started even if they fail. This year with the idea of flunking Lent in mind I added a tactic that is helping me "pass."
I'm motivated by accountability and trying to succeed. So I created a chart with each day of Lent. I have columns for the habits I'm trying to follow, from omitting sugar to writing to exercise. Each success for the day gets a checkmark. I'm trying for an "A" as determined by a 90% satisfied requirements.
This wouldn't work for everybody. But it's helping me. Tonight when I made my husband's birthday pie I resisted nibbling the crust scraps because I'm not eating wheat.
On Sundays I'll probably lighten up on some of the habits since it's traditionally a "feast" day and with church twice I really don't have time for all the extra routine I've added. Having a day off can help the other days seem more bearable.
This would make some people's Lent miserable, so do what works for you. Find a way to honor Christ in your practice, whatever it looks like.
I always encourage my congregation to get back to whatever discipline they started even if they fail. This year with the idea of flunking Lent in mind I added a tactic that is helping me "pass."
I'm motivated by accountability and trying to succeed. So I created a chart with each day of Lent. I have columns for the habits I'm trying to follow, from omitting sugar to writing to exercise. Each success for the day gets a checkmark. I'm trying for an "A" as determined by a 90% satisfied requirements.
This wouldn't work for everybody. But it's helping me. Tonight when I made my husband's birthday pie I resisted nibbling the crust scraps because I'm not eating wheat.
On Sundays I'll probably lighten up on some of the habits since it's traditionally a "feast" day and with church twice I really don't have time for all the extra routine I've added. Having a day off can help the other days seem more bearable.
This would make some people's Lent miserable, so do what works for you. Find a way to honor Christ in your practice, whatever it looks like.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Ash Wednesday
An exceptionally long winter both in terms of difficult weather and Lent coming later than usual finally brings us to this day. We notice people walking around with black marks on their foreheads.
Your tradition may or may not practice Ash Wednesday. Whether you observe this day or not, we are approaching Resurrection Sunday, and these coming weeks serve to prepare our hearts for that celebration.
Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the wilderness before beginning his public ministry. At the end of that time, the devil approached him with temptations. It may seem the worst possible moment, while Jesus felt weakened by hunger. But in reality the spiritual discipline of fasting actually meant Jesus felt stronger than usual, ready to take on the challenge, and he did emerge victorious.
Our weeks of Lent can strengthen us in much the same way. Sometimes we sacrifice something we will return to come Easter, such as eating meat. Other times we may give up something we'd be better off without permanently, like smoking. Whatever we chose to do to observe these days, allow the discipline to reorient your life and priorities.
I like to use this season to clean up my personal discipline from the sloth of winter. I am glad the time has come, and hope not only to re-energize my resolve, but to add some new habits.
Dirty forehead or not, I hope your Ash Wednesday begins a season of growth.
Your tradition may or may not practice Ash Wednesday. Whether you observe this day or not, we are approaching Resurrection Sunday, and these coming weeks serve to prepare our hearts for that celebration.
Jesus spent 40 days fasting in the wilderness before beginning his public ministry. At the end of that time, the devil approached him with temptations. It may seem the worst possible moment, while Jesus felt weakened by hunger. But in reality the spiritual discipline of fasting actually meant Jesus felt stronger than usual, ready to take on the challenge, and he did emerge victorious.
Our weeks of Lent can strengthen us in much the same way. Sometimes we sacrifice something we will return to come Easter, such as eating meat. Other times we may give up something we'd be better off without permanently, like smoking. Whatever we chose to do to observe these days, allow the discipline to reorient your life and priorities.
I like to use this season to clean up my personal discipline from the sloth of winter. I am glad the time has come, and hope not only to re-energize my resolve, but to add some new habits.
Dirty forehead or not, I hope your Ash Wednesday begins a season of growth.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Loving Lent?
I love Lent. Mostly. I often say I have a love/hate relationship with fasting, because I love the spiritual benefits but hate not eating. Part of Lent for me is some version of fasting or sacrifice so I can't say I enjoy that, but I do enjoy the discipline.
When Ash Wednesday rolls around each year I am ready to reorient my priorities after the laxness of the winter slump, that time after Christmas when the dark days encourage too much hot chocolate and too little exercise.
I didn't grow up "doing" Lent, and my early years practicing the season focused mostly on giving up food, like chocolate or sugar. Often my own deprivations I imposed unilaterally on my family, at times against their will. One particular season when I said we weren't have that food because it was Lent my son replied, "I didn't put those ashes on my forehead."
Through the years I have learned and added other ways to observe the season, lengthened prayer times, surrendering social media, last year I blogged daily. Any type of discipline fits this time of the Christian year when we remember Christ's sacrifice on our behalf. And when we remember that, giving up chocolate pales in comparison.
One of my favorite preachers J. Ellsworth Kalas wrote a delightful piece on flunking Lent. http://elink.asburyseminary.edu/flunking-lent/ He describes how his best intentions don't quite work out, but he still enters each Lent with high expectation. I learned years ago that if I do mess up my plan, to stay the course and start again, instead of abandoning ship mid-journey.
Having learned so many ways to observe Lent, I try to encourage people to find what works for them, giving something up, taking something on. The year my mother died unexpectedly in February, I felt too sad for more deprivation during Lent. What I like about the solemn observation of Lent comes in the increased joy and expectation for Resurrection at the end.
Whatever you do for Lent this year, little, lot or nothing, I hope your practice brings you to a new place of solidarity with Christ. Happy Lent seems an oxymoron, but I hope yours is meaningful.
When Ash Wednesday rolls around each year I am ready to reorient my priorities after the laxness of the winter slump, that time after Christmas when the dark days encourage too much hot chocolate and too little exercise.
I didn't grow up "doing" Lent, and my early years practicing the season focused mostly on giving up food, like chocolate or sugar. Often my own deprivations I imposed unilaterally on my family, at times against their will. One particular season when I said we weren't have that food because it was Lent my son replied, "I didn't put those ashes on my forehead."
Through the years I have learned and added other ways to observe the season, lengthened prayer times, surrendering social media, last year I blogged daily. Any type of discipline fits this time of the Christian year when we remember Christ's sacrifice on our behalf. And when we remember that, giving up chocolate pales in comparison.
One of my favorite preachers J. Ellsworth Kalas wrote a delightful piece on flunking Lent. http://elink.asburyseminary.edu/flunking-lent/ He describes how his best intentions don't quite work out, but he still enters each Lent with high expectation. I learned years ago that if I do mess up my plan, to stay the course and start again, instead of abandoning ship mid-journey.
Having learned so many ways to observe Lent, I try to encourage people to find what works for them, giving something up, taking something on. The year my mother died unexpectedly in February, I felt too sad for more deprivation during Lent. What I like about the solemn observation of Lent comes in the increased joy and expectation for Resurrection at the end.
Whatever you do for Lent this year, little, lot or nothing, I hope your practice brings you to a new place of solidarity with Christ. Happy Lent seems an oxymoron, but I hope yours is meaningful.
Friday, December 6, 2013
I Wonder as I Wander
Yesterday while listening to a Christmas CD I heard the words to "I Wonder as I Wander" sung thus:
I wonder as I wander out under the sky
How Jesus the Savior did come for to die
For poor lonely people like you and like I;
I'm never sure why people record songs with different words than the author's. John Jacob Niles original version calls us poor ornery people, not lonely ones.
Turns out the idea for the song came from the daughter of a poor evangelist who Niles heard sing the first three lines, then he developed the rest.
Jesus didn't really need to die for lonely people, he could just come and be with us. But orneriness, that needs redeeming. Niles' haunting melody helps us consider the reality of Jesus' sacrifice, as he goes on to say:
If Jesus had wanted for any wee thing
A star in the sky or a bird on the wing
Or all of God's angels in heav'n for to sing
He surely could have it, 'cause He was the King.
Yet Jesus did not demand these things, but instead accepted the humble lot of his parents and the sacrifice on our behalf. The real beauty of this song comes if we actually do, wonder as we wander, truly pondering what Christ did in coming at Christmas.
Singer or not, take these words to heart as you consider the coming of the Christ Child.
I wonder as I wander out under the sky
How Jesus the Savior did come for to die
For poor lonely people like you and like I;
I'm never sure why people record songs with different words than the author's. John Jacob Niles original version calls us poor ornery people, not lonely ones.
Turns out the idea for the song came from the daughter of a poor evangelist who Niles heard sing the first three lines, then he developed the rest.
Jesus didn't really need to die for lonely people, he could just come and be with us. But orneriness, that needs redeeming. Niles' haunting melody helps us consider the reality of Jesus' sacrifice, as he goes on to say:
If Jesus had wanted for any wee thing
A star in the sky or a bird on the wing
Or all of God's angels in heav'n for to sing
He surely could have it, 'cause He was the King.
Yet Jesus did not demand these things, but instead accepted the humble lot of his parents and the sacrifice on our behalf. The real beauty of this song comes if we actually do, wonder as we wander, truly pondering what Christ did in coming at Christmas.
Singer or not, take these words to heart as you consider the coming of the Christ Child.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Sun
The sun shines
Quietly rearranging the cold
Seamlessly interrupting the snow
Stabbing the doldrums with hope
Scattering fear and frozen postures
Into twirling dancing rays of anticipation.
Proposals Vs. Marriages
Today yet another YouTube proposal appeared on my Facebook feed, this one a half hour long. The site promoting it suggested that we should spend more time on weddings, months of preparation. I would suggest that the time spend on proposals and weddings falls in importance far behind the time spent on marriage itself.
Yesterday a woman was bemoaning that the most elaborate wedding she had ever witnessed lasted four months before the bride said her husband was too bossy. The family member telling the story lamented they had not done premarital counseling. Exactly.
If couples preparing for marriage actually prepared for their marriages instead of their proposals and weddings, they'd be grateful later. I feel bad for young men these days as these videos go viral, you can't just ask for her hand and give her a ring, you need a choreographer, back up singers and a video editor to perfect the moment.
So, men considering marriage...go ahead and make that proposal special, but go beyond that. Women, plan the wedding of your dreams, but don't leave it there. Both of you take the time to get some expert advice on your relationship, so that your marriage outlasts your YouTube fame.
Yesterday a woman was bemoaning that the most elaborate wedding she had ever witnessed lasted four months before the bride said her husband was too bossy. The family member telling the story lamented they had not done premarital counseling. Exactly.
If couples preparing for marriage actually prepared for their marriages instead of their proposals and weddings, they'd be grateful later. I feel bad for young men these days as these videos go viral, you can't just ask for her hand and give her a ring, you need a choreographer, back up singers and a video editor to perfect the moment.
So, men considering marriage...go ahead and make that proposal special, but go beyond that. Women, plan the wedding of your dreams, but don't leave it there. Both of you take the time to get some expert advice on your relationship, so that your marriage outlasts your YouTube fame.
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