Tribute in Hind Sight

Honest confession: I was my daddy's girl. Growing up, you could best endear yourself to me by mentioning I resembled my father, not my mother. I loved my mother, see this adorable photo. She exuding comfort. But I did not admire her. I saw her as weak, watching her fall apart after my dad left her, and continue to struggle until her untimely death fifteen years ago today.

After Mom died, I learned new things about her. First I learned she was stronger than I imagined. Around me she let down her guard, but others saw her as strong, and considering all she dealt with being divorced and struggling with life long illness, they were right.

Secondly my mom never wanted to be anything but a mother. She struggled to support herself trying many jobs until finally becoming a content children's librarian, books and children fit her perfectly. This also shone in her love for reading to her grandchildren, an activity she was devoted to. Growing up I was determined to have a career, not struggle to find one like she did. I succeeded in that venture. But when mom died, I realized my favorite role in life was the one she had aspired to all along, motherhood. She got that right.

But thirdly I found myself mystified by how many people truly preferred my mother, in particular, many of her cousins (of which she had a slew) said she was their favorite cousin, aunts said she was their favorite niece. The woman she struggled with the most at work for many years, drove the 90 minutes to attend her funeral and seemed genuinely moved at her loss. I have mulled over that. What about my mother made so many people respond the same way?

I guess the real answer could only come from those who said it, but I have come to see she was truly a kind person, and that's hard to beat. Kind is not the same as nice. Someone can be nice, greet you on the street, but not really show any sort of connection or compassion. Kind can be misused, people can take advantage of kindness, others can enable unhealthy habits trying to be kind. But those exclusions aside, it's hard to go wrong with kind. Who doesn't appreciate someone being kind to them, asking them how they are, listening with full attention, remarking with compassion?

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit, and worth cultivating. In these years without my mom, I learn more all the time to appreciate what she brought to life, and to our family. Having a mom that people like is a great gift. She learned it from her mother, and I sure hope I can pass it along.