Holes Too

When people move away, not just across town but out of it, they too leave holes. If family members move, these holes trap us even in our house; we step in them when getting out of bed in the morning or trying to eat lunch. We notice these holes in our daily hygiene habits when the toothbrush holder gapes and not as many towels hang to dry. These holes create hazards to our daily functioning as we must learn to navigate new patterns.

When these family and friends visit, they temporarily fill their hole, which of course doesn’t happen with the deceased, so these holes never become the type of black hole that can swallow us completely. Those who communicate while away keep their hole from growing so deep. And yet when they leave again after a visit, the hole gaping suddenly again can trip up even the most wary and seasoned.

Holes

When people die they leave large holes that scar the landscape of our lives and create hazards like potholes on highways that we must be careful not to fall into at risk of losing ourselves for a time. As some time passes and we resolve some of the circumstances the holes shrink somewhat. But they never disappear.

For those more distant to the person, they learn to drive other roads to avoid the hole except those moments they take that familiar turning so comfortable in the past that takes them down that road and suddenly they find themselves confronted with that gaping hole and must again confront the loss.

For those close to the person, that road cannot be avoided, it is the path of their life and that hole will always remain gaping and in some ways dangerous as it can consume that loved one’s day or week or life if they find themselves constantly falling within it. For some that happens, they fall into that hole of grief and like a black hole it swallows them and they never fully emerge. 

But the healthy ones come to peace with the hole. Some days, especially at first, they fall in and roll around and even enjoy the darkness because the glare of the world becomes too much to bear. On other days they learn to walk around the hole, never fully escaping it or wanting to, but learning to navigate the new landscape. 

The healthy ones learn to assimilate the hole into everyday patterns, including it without drowning in it, avoiding disappearing within it without denying its existence. But it’s always a hazard, and can be backed into unawares at any moment, especially during certain seasons and occasions.

Revelation tells us when heaven and earth are remade there is no longer any sea, and like the cavernous ocean these holes will also be filled and healed, the landscape once again whole and healed. O for that day we long and await.

Katherine Callahan-Howell, ©2015